Buy me a chio chio mei mei?

People used to tell me, oi go get youself a girlfriend or ask how is you and your girlfriend. I have to tell them I'm single and its not again. Does finding a girlfriend like doing to the market to do your marketing? Are they selling by the kg? Uncle, jit kilo lua juay lwee (how much is it per kilogram). Or package up easily for easy selling?

So I got tired and everytime I got people going to [insert country name], will always ask them to buy me a chio chio [insert country name]-nian/n/ese mei mei (cutie), if they are selling by the kilo. Sometimes I think its so much easy to go to mailorderbride.com or its similar shit helpful service for some ordering.

I remember once had this little conversation on mail-ordered bride. And they despite all those holy-shit arsehole who says that such things are the worst shit. -middle finger- Well, I always try to be very politically fair in my anzwering, that is to say, I can't give you an answer until it happens to me. And yeah, I say that maybe by the time I'm 40 and if I'm getting desperate, I will seriosuly consider that option. Till then, that option is locked up in the drawer.

A long time ago when the police are still wearing shorts, my good friend ask me about this particular friend of mine, that why am I not considering going after her. I gave this friend the look and ask him why does he suggest that? Well, he thinks we are pretty compatible and our mindset are pretty much alike. I was like WAT THE FARK? Since when am I ever on the same bandwidth with that person? Afterall, she's a friend that I know for a while, and I just think its safer to leave friends out of sex at certain point of time.

Not long later, some other friends tell me ask me the same thing. I was like why did you people even think that I will consider her? Afterall a while, I have to list out all the impossible reasons. Afterall, I think its just not quite right due to too many reasons.

I seriously do not think me and her mindset are similar. She's probably thinking of me as been too childish, as many people does. But I always tell them, this world is insane and serious enough, adding another serious person will not make life any easier. So I always choose to be the fools and entertain others. Laughter is a good medicine, didn't everyone or is it someone telling me that? When the time comes for me to get serious, I will and I have proven my case to the others.

She is a practical person who goes for stability and hell I have nothing. Anything less than five figure a month is just barely surviving. I can't see why some people see me as high income earner but I swear I am not. I just don't restricts my spending on food like I do enjoy good food unless its really taht exorbitant that I really just not so willing to part with my moolah. Probably these people who see how much of a miser I'm on clothings, unless and of couse I'm in for a retail therapy mood.

I am not tall, dark and handsome. I have no intention to lengthing myself though I read it somewhere that it is surgurically possible. I don't mind a bit of tan. I think its a healthy and sporty look. And I'm not talking about charred. I have no moolah for cosmetic surgury and looks are not forever. And I'm not blaming my parents. Afterall, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I have seen and come across friendship getting stained when a person is trying to get involved with someone else who is not interested. Best case scenario is taking it as if nothing happens and everything resume. Worst case scenario? I don't think I need to spell that out. So I just don't want to jeopardise a friendship, afteall we do have quite a few common friends and don't want things to turn awkward when going out with groups of common friends.

And importantly, I hate failure and disappointment. I know. Lack of confidence is already losing half the battle. They just say it that practice makes perfect and been thick-skin is one of the key factor in chasing the skirts. I guess I just don't have it.

And I have friends who seems to enjoy not accepting the fact that I have no gf? Or no one in mind? Or no one I'm actually persuing? Frankly, I think I'm always falling for people whom I have no chances with. Why? I have no goddamn idea why. And I'm always surrounded by people whom I might have a good chance with I take my shot at but just doesn't want to. Damn.

And now, to even think that friend is considerable? Has I been overwhelm by loneliness or what? Or I'm in denial? Did I choose to give up instead of facing failure? I just have to throw all these reasons at myself and stop thinking, things might juz ease off after a while. I guess. Beside, I think she is eying somebody whom she is denying it. Deny my foot.